Extract of People Skills for Young Adults
Detailed contents of People Skills for Young Adults
About the Course
Teachers' Notes
Section 1
Introduction to Section 1
Session 1 What are Friends?
Teacher Sheet: What are Friends?
Session 2 Influences on Relationships
Teacher sheet: Influences on Relationships
Session 3 Personal Development
Teacher Sheet: Personal Development
Session 4 Social Networks
Teacher Sheet: Social Networks
Session 5 Making New Friends
Teacher Sheet: Making New Friends
Session 6 Loneliness
Teacher Sheet: Loneliness
Session 7 Barriers in Friendships
Teacher Sheet: Barriers in Friendships
Concluding Section 1
Section 2
Introduction to Section 2: Social Skills Training
Session 8 Social & Relationship Rules
Teacher Sheet: Social & Relationship Rules
Session 9 Loneliness & Poor Social Skills
Teacher Sheet: Loneliness & Poor social skills
Session 10 Speech & Body Messages
Teacher Sheet: Speech & Body Messages
Session 11 Role Play: Social No-Nos (Preparation & Practise)
Student Sheet: Fran's Descriptions Student Help Sheet 1: Setting for the Role Play Student Help Sheet 2: Scene for Confident Person 1 (Know-All) Student Help Sheet 3: Scene for Confident Person 2 (I've-Got-To-Be-Right) Student Help Sheet 4: Scene for Confident Person 3 (I'm-Better-Than- Anyone) Student Help Sheet 5: Scene for Confident Person 4 (I-Want-To-Know-All-About-You) Student Help Sheet 6: Scene for Timid Person (I'd-Prefer-Not-To-Be-Noticed)
Session 12 Role Plays in Action
Teacher Sheet: Role Plays in Action
Student Help Sheet 7: Possible Scene for the Socially Adept
Session 13 Self-Disclosure
Teacher Sheet: Self-Disclosure
Session 14 Listening Skills
Teacher Sheet: "Don'ts" For Rewarding Listening
Session 15 Self-Confidence & Shyness
Student Sheet: Use at Home: Improving Self-Esteem
Information Sheet: Self-Confidence
Teacher Sheet: Shyness
Session 16 Making Conversation
Teacher Sheet: Making Conversation
Advice Sheet: Making Conversation With People You Know
Concluding Section 2
About the Course
This book is divided into three sections.
Section one concentrates on friendships: why we need them and the benefits gained from being in a supportive social network; sex differences between friendships; how our personal development has been affected by the relationships we have had; why people become lonely; the development of friendships - the process of making friends and what determines how intimate a relationship becomes or whether a budding friendship fails.
Section two concentrates on the social (interpersonal) skills between two people and the skills needed in developing relationships: body language; the different types of social inadequacies with relevant role plays; hidden messages; the importance of appropriate self-disclosure; listening skills; overcoming shyness and making conversation in a variety of social interactions. Social rules are considered and their purpose.
Section three deals with assertiveness and counselling skills (in an informal setting - that is, peer counselling rather than professional counselling). Both the assertiveness skills and counselling skills are techniques for 'fine tuning' relationships, going that step further to reach more meaningful levels of communication and satisfaction within relationships, learning how to verbally protect oneself and help friends and acquaintances find their own solutions to problems.
Teachers' Notes
Social skills are essential life-skills. Knowledge of how relationships are formed aid self-awareness of what we do right and what we do wrong with certain people. A large element of social or 'people' skills is involved with communication and much of this course requires students to take part in discussion which aids their communication skills.
The lecturer/ teacher needs to be sensitive to students' feelings since many may have poor social skills and few friends, although the course will be of general benefit and is not aimed at just those who experience social distress. Jokes must not be made at the expense of some students less fortunate in their skills at handling social interactions.
The intended session length is one hour.
The course has been written with the intention that no research or preparatory work is required by the lecturer/teacher other than reading the material before the session and occasionally planning a session ahead so that students come prepared with, for example, certain role play ideas.
The ideas suggested in the teacher sheets are by no means prescriptive or fully comprehensive. Students may well have other, or more, ideas relating to their own experiences. Similarly, any solutions given may have excellent alternatives that are equally or more valid. The aims of giving these solutions are to save preparation time, to give full understanding to the lecturer/teacher of what is required from the tasks set and to present as much assistance as possible for the session to progress smoothly. The teacher sheets are not intended for student use, but to guide the lecturer.
At the end of section three, there are several pages of problems to use in counselling role plays. The age-groups I have given relating to invented problems are suggested as loose guidelines. It is for the teacher/lecturer to judge the most appropriate problems for the class.
To avoid continual use of s/he in the text, I have mostly used either he or she as interchangeable.
Introduction to Section 1
This section explores relationships between people and why some friendships fail with an aim to changing negative views of relationship behaviour into positive ones.
It is useful to understand our present social behaviour and how it has come about in order to change our future social behaviour. Once we are aware of the messages we have received from our environment we are better able to consider their validity and whether or not they give us a positive approach to interacting with others around us. Hindering thoughts can be re-programmed to free us from the bonds imposed upon us by negative experiences and unrewarding relationships.
Section one provides the first step to social skills training which can improve all aspects of life for people at all levels of social competence. The ability to form rewarding relationships has implications for interaction at home, work and leisure.
Session 1: What are Friends?
Conchita
Joining her friends in the common room before class, Conchita made her face look sad and disappointed. Immediately, Rachel and Mandy went up to her and said, 'You didn't get it, did you?' Rachel put her arm around Conchita and said, 'I'm really sorry. If anyone deserved it, you did.'
Conchita could no longer hide her smile. Then she laughed with joy.
'You really got us going there!' Mandy said with a sigh of relief mingled with envy. She wished she could be talented like Conchita.
Conchita hugged them both. 'I'm so happy. Art school! It's all I wanted. Let's celebrate tonight.'
Task 1 (Class or in groups)
Think of Conchita's friends and your own and talk about:
What are friends? What are friends for? What qualities do you think a friend should have? (Honesty? Loyalty?) What qualities do you give in friendship? Is it important to have things in common with friends? (For example, both of you liking the same music.) Why? What do you have in common with your friends?Josh
Josh arrived just before class, walking past Conchita and her friends who were huddled in a group. Those three were never far away from each other. Discussing boyfriends, make-up and diets, no doubt, Josh thought.
When he walked into his first lesson, Josh saw Nick and Dave sitting on the desks. 'All right?' Josh said as he threw his bag on the floor beside them, not bothering to watch as it slid into place beneath the desks.
'Done the essay?' Nick asked. He'd tried but had given up.
'Of sorts. The football was more interesting,' Josh replied. He'd had a hell of a weekend with his parents rowing and then turning on him. He hadn't been able to concentrate. The rows always upset him.
'Who's for a knockabout at lunch time?' Dave asked, kicking his foot in the air.
Nick and Josh said, 'Yeah, OK.' It was better than sitting around.
Task 2 (Class or in groups)
Think about Josh's friends, Conchita's friends and your friends to talk about:
What do girl friends talk about? What do boy friends talk about? What do girl friends do when they are together? What do boy friends do when they are together? What is the difference in closeness between Conchita's friendship group and Josh's friendship group?Task 3 (Class or in groups)
Talk about:
How close (intimate) are your friends to you? (Do you talk about personal things and give each other support or do you only talk about practical things like homework?) What makes some friends close and others less close? (We talk about different things to different friends. Some friends we tell our problems to, others we don't. Why is there this difference?) Often girl friendships are closer than boy friendships. Why is this? (Think about what qualities girls value and what qualities boys value. E.g. sympathy, leadership.) Are there other reasons why girls and boys behave differently in relationships? (E.g. Who do we learn from and copy?)Task 4 (Class or in groups)
Talk about:
What sort of (social) support do we get from friends? i.e. What do we get out of these relationships? (Think of other people's friends as well as your own.)Teacher Sheet: What are Friends?
Task 1
1. What are friends?
A friend is someone with whom we share affection and regard (usually outside sexual and family bonds). A friend is someone we like (or love) and respect and they us. A friend is someone we enjoy being with.
2. What are friends for?
For support, for doing things together (such as sport) and for companionship.
For sharing good and bad news. For celebrating and commiserating. (Conchita's friends were ready to give their support when they thought Conchita had bad news and when they knew it was good news.)
For putting your friend's feelings before your own sometimes. (Like Mandy did - even though she was envious, she was happy for Conchita.)
For recognising when someone needs help.
For warmth and comfort. (Conchita's friends were physically close - they hugged.)
For joking and teasing. (At first Conchita pretended she had bad news.)
3. What qualities do you think a friend should have?
Loyalty & faithfulness Reliability Sympathy
Trustworthiness Helpfulness Understanding
Honesty Intimacy
5. Is it important to have things in common with friends? Why?
Yes. To have a sense of belonging.
To share experiences.
To talk about things that won't bore the other person.
Relationships in adolescents are built on having similar social power, interests, abilities and life experiences. These similarities help to form a close-knit social network offering much support and understanding.
Task 2
1. What do girl friends talk about?
They are more likely to exchange confidences, discuss personal problems, relationships, their feelings about things that have happened, their feelings about other people, their boyfriends, clothes, fashion, make-up, body-size, diets, pop/film stars.
2. What do boy friends talk about?
They are more likely to talk about sport, what they've done, hobbies and films.
3. What do girl friends do when they are together?
Much of their time is spent talking. They might go shopping together, go to each other's houses, see a film.
4. What do boy friends do when they are together?
Male friendships are mostly based on action - boys get together to do things such as play or watch sport or take part in other leisure activities.
5. What is the difference in closeness between Conchita's friendship group and Josh's friendship group?
Conchita shows her feelings and shares the good and the bad times with her friends. Josh does not have any intimacy with his friends. He does not tell them what goes on at home. Boys don't tend to discuss personal problems or emotional issues.
Task 3
2. What makes some friends close and others less close?
It depends on how people respond to what we say and how we behave - and whether they seem genuinely interested in us or spend all their time talking about themselves. Others may not be able to keep confidences.
3. Often girl friendships are closer than boy friendships. Why is this?
Girls tend to value different qualities: warmth, sympathy, kindness, gentleness, cheerfulness.
The qualities valued by most boys/men are: assertion, leadership, independence, self-reliance.
People use their parents as role models. If a father doesn't have close friends or show qualities often attributed to women, their sons are not likely to either.
Men may spend more time competing at sports and at work which develops skills that are contrary to cooperation and support.
Boys may fear homosexuality. They may want the macho image of being a strong, independent man who needs no emotional support and hides weaknesses such as depression and stress.
Task 4
What sort of (social) support do we get from friends? i.e. What do we get out of these relationships?
Intimacy - a close and caring relationship that develops trust and a feeling of understanding (empathy) between the friends. Confidant - we can tell a friend our problems and expect a sympathetic ear. Confidence - friends encourage us and tell us when we are doing the right thing which increases our feeling of self-worth (self-esteem). It helps us cope with difficult things. Practical help - help in everyday activities: help with homework; choosing the right clothes for an interview & lending them. Informational help - finding things out for us, telling us things we need to know. Being part of a social group (social integration) - being accepted by a group of friends and taking part in social activities such as outings, dancing, pubbing, clubbing, swimming, squash etc.
