Overcoming Loneliness and Making Friends
ISBN: 0859699595
Sheldon Press £7.99
Good friendships help us through the trials of life and provide company and entertainment. However, many people need help either in forming new friendships or in enhancing existing ones. Shyness or other difficulties can interfere with our ability to form rewarding relationships. The good news is that the art of friendship can be learned, and loneliness does not have to be with us for ever.
This book looks at blocks that may prevent people from forming warm, close relationships, and suggests ways in which you really can turn strangers into friends. Subjects covered include:
personality and longterm loneliness why we need close relationships how friendships form and what may prevent them from doing so improving listening skills and using body language effectively how to protect yourself and establish good barriers dealing with negative emotions such as anger, both in yourself and in others seeking romantic relationships.Reviews
A book that puts back what "self-help" takes away, 7 Mar 2007 Amazon.co.uk
Reviewer: Ross (Scotland)
My own personal battle has been with depression, anxiety and making and maintaining relationships - friends, girlfriends, colleagues and parents have all been shapeless battlegrounds and sources of much discomfort and confusion for as long as I can remember despite throwing everything I have within in me (and my bank account) at the problem. I have sunk a small fortune into a mountain of self-help opuses since 2002, carrying out the exercises, worksheets, plans and mood diaries conscientiously - yet the same problems have always remained. All the visualisation, self-hypnosis, rapport techniques and silly affirmations in the world weren't cracking what felt like something totally fundamentally wrong with me.
OVERCOMING LONELINESS finally approaches the subject from an angle that has been sadly lacking in self help for all too long - the Human Dimension. In my library right now I have over 80 self help works, including all the big and much vaunted names you might expect from this field. That Csoti's experience is primarily as a secondary-level teacher is telling for me. The truth is, so many of the psychology professors and hi-charisma motivational gurus out there that generate volumes of theory and 'social techniques' miss the key point - that relationships are just that: RELATIONSHIPS - the way that two entities interact and enrich (or not) and FEEL towards one another. Csoti approaches the subject in a wonderfully refreshing way and provided me with something that I have been looking for for years: The rulebook of roles and principles that we must fulfill and observe if we are to get on with each other. If we are not connecting with colleagues or friends, chucking out one of the quick rapport techniques that self help is so often based around is of little long term benefit. It is cold, often perceived as weird by the recipient and its use keeps ones focus away from where it should be: The other person.
OVERCOMING LONELINESS helps you to understand how and why the other person feels, and hence reacts, as they do as a result of your behaviours. Csoti also writes very therapeutically and offers a great deal of support, making you question negative beliefs and soothing you at the same time as giving genuinely helpful advice on how to appreciate and handle both the important and not-so-important people in your life.
Csoti helps you to seek your own definition of loneliness and friendship and goes on to detail the fundamental roles and rules of personal relationships. Most importantly for me, she points out the common personality quirks and behavioural pitfalls that can land us in hot water, and ultimately lead to broken or diminished relationships.
I would like to see the author expand upon this work with a book entirely written for a MALE with emotional and relationship issues - something which she frequently acknowledges as being different from the female experience and which I feel is largely unaddressed in the current available literature.
This volume has been like someone flicking a lightswitch in so many dark corners for me.
*****
Susie Stewart
The Woman Writer June 2006
'This is one of many practical texts in Sheldon Press's series Overcoming Common Problems. The author has been a secondary schoolteacher and houseparent and clearly understands the difficulties that can confront people of any age or sex in today's world. As she points out, good friendships are important in life. They help us cope with unavoidable upsets and they provide company, support and shared enjoyment.
'But many people need help in making and keeping friends. Loneliness and isolation are common modern problems. This book examines the concepts and rules of romance, the emotional blocks that can derail relationships and how to develop effective communication skills. It tackles difficulties such as depression, phobias and panic attacks that can act as barriers to friendship and suggests coping strategies.
'I particularly like Marianna's suggestion of creating an imaginary garden. "To help with feelings of desolation imagine your social contacts as a garden." Trees could represent family family to give shade in the summer and shelter in the winter. Evergreens could be close friends who give support all year round, perennials more distant friends, met only occasionally. "Keep your garden pretty and healthy so that it is visited by birds, bees and butterflies. If you provide the right conditions, your garden will thrive as your relationships."
'This is an excellent and readable book, full of constructive advice, with a sensible index, suggestions for further reading and a list of useful organisations.'
